Here is a handy translation guide to help you understand
some of the common IVR messages.
| What they say | What they mean | |
|---|---|---|
| You can access our website to answer most questions. (This is especially useful if you are calling to report your Internet connection being down, or your PC not working.) | = | We are too cheap to hire enough customer service representatives, so we'd rather you do the work instead of having us help you with the problem our product or service has caused for you. |
| Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed. | = | Either (a) we change our menus recklessly with no regard for whether you are used to them or (b) we rarely change our menus but we forgot to remove that message, and again we'd rather make you do the work to listen to all messages and options every time you call, instead of us having a qualified customer support representative who can quickly handle any question for you. (It is funny that companies think customers can use the website to answer most questions, yet their own customer support agents must always transfer you once or more to the "right department" who is the only department who knows how to answer your particular question.) |
| Your call is important to us. | = | You are not important enough for us to have a human answer your call, but we think you are stupid enough to feel good when we say you are important. |
| Due to unusually high call volumes, wait times may be longer than normal. | = | Our CEO is too cheap and shortsighted to hire enough customer service agents. |
| Your call may be recorded for training purposes. | = | We can use this recording against you for any future purpose we want. |