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Here is a handy translation guide to help you understand
some of the common IVR messages.
| what they say |
what they mean |
|---|
| You can access our website to answer most questions.
(This is especially useful if you are calling to
report your Internet connection being down, or your
PC not working.)
| We are too cheap to hire enough customer service
representatives, so we'd rather you do the work instead
of having us help you with the problem our product or
service has caused for you.
|
| Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed.
| Either (a) we change our menus recklessly with no regard
for whether you are used to them or (b) we rarely change
our menus but we forgot to remove that message, and again
we'd rather make you do the work to listen to all messages
and options every time you call, instead of us having
a qualified customer support representative who can quickly
handle any question for you. (It is funny that companies think
customers can use the website to answer most questions, yet
their own customer support agents must always transfer you
once or more to the "right department" who is the only department who
knows how to answer your particular question.)
|
| Your call is important to us.
| You are not important enough for us to have a human
answer your call, but we think you are stupid enough
to feel good when we say you are important.
|
| Due to unusually high call volumes, wait times may be
longer than normal.
| Our CEO is too cheap and shortsighted
to hire enough customer service agents.
|
| Your call may be recorded for training purposes.
| We can use this recording against you for any future
purpose we want.
|
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